This is me.. and my insecurities.. and my tendency to be overdramatic.. to jump to conclusions.. and how my brother can bring me to the absolute other extreme..
Me : Cikit!
Z: Cikit?
Me: Saja je nak pikir nama baru untuk u..
Z: Hmmph.. hari tu Aci panggil I vellous vum..
Me: Apa maksudnya tu?
Z: Ntah.. mana la I tau.. apiz tu
I was about to set up the dramatic conversation.. trying to elaborate on the very sad situation in my life..
Me: Diks.. tadi I baru je kena marah kat cikgu... tension I..
Z: Apsl? U tak buat keje ke?
Me: Tak la.. cikgu I tu memang cmtu.. kadang2 I rasa mcm dia takkan melepaskan I..
And being more and more melodramatic when poof.. everything was blasted into an air of laughter..
Z: I rasa u imaginasi hiper..
Me: Ha ha ha? Imaginasi hiper? Apsl lak?
Z: Ye ah.. u hrtu belum apa2 lg dah mimpi dad..
Z: I senang je..
Z: Tido .. malam.. gelap je semuanya..
Z: Bangun.. dah terang.. siang..
Me: Ha ha ha ha... Kut tido siang?
Z: Masih tak pe.. bangun malam..
Me: Ha ha ha.. bangang..
And we continued to talk about other stupid stuff.. when he started to relate a very long ago event..
Z: Tu bukan tanah tempat yg tanam kaki u ke?
Me: Eh mana u tau?
Z: I ada la masa tu..
Me: U ada? Eh, bukan u kecik ke masa tu?
Z: Ye ah.. I darjah 1..
Me: Ha? Dad bawak budak darjah 1 temankan dia tanam kaki I?
Z: Ye.. napa..
Me: Pelik la.. apsl dia tak ajak Uncle Adam ke..
Z: Alah.. Dad kan suka buat keje sorang2..
Me: So apa yg jadi...?
Z: Jap I nak pegi bilik air..
Me: Isy!! U ni kan.. asyik2 bila chatting ngan I, sampai je kat time2 dramatic masa nilah u nak gi bilik air...!!!
......
......
Z: Ok I dah balik dah..
Me:Hmmph... U tadi tak habis cita pasal tanam kaki I..
Z:Apa lagi? Kan dah habis dah cita.. I temankan dad..
Me: Tak.. cita la apa yg jadi..
Me:Kaki tu besar ke?
Z: Ye.. ukuran dia 4m x 1m
Me: CIKIT!!
Z: Apekah?
Me:Mana leh mcm tu? I pun tinggi tak sampai 2m .. mcm mana kaki I leh 4m?
Z: Ntah.. I tak de ruler masa tu..
Z: Tak sempat amik ukuran..
Me: Bangang la u ni.. Pastu? Apa yg jd? U gali lubang ke?
Z: Tak ah.. I kan budak kecik.. I tukang tgk je..
Z:Lubang tu dah ada org gali rasanya..
Z: Sebab I ingat ty dad, apsl dalam sgt?
Me: Pastu?
Z: Pastu Dad ckp supaya binatang tak leh bau & gali..
Me: Pastu?  Ada baca doa ke?
Z: Ada.. Lepas kambus tu Dad baca doa.
Me: U ingat Dad baca doa?
Z: Ye.. sbb I ingat pk.. apsl org tanam pokok ada baca doa?
Z: Tapi I tadah jelah tangan..
Me: Ha ha ha ha.. Bangang tul u tu..  Bila u tau yg  tu bukan pokok?
Z: Hrtu bila htr Dad kat Gadong.
Me: Bila u htr Dad? Masa u dah boleh drive?
Me: Like 15 tahun kemudian?
Me: Gila slow la u.. 15 tahun later baru tau story...
Z: Tak.. 14 tahun
Me: Sama la tu..
Z:I dah bajet gak la sebelum tu.. tapi masa tu I ty Dad.
Me: Bajet?
Z: Bajet = budget..
Me: Mana la I tau.. u tak bagi definition lg..
Z: Definition 3.1. Theorem 2...
Z: Bajet = budget
Me: Bangang tul..
Me: Pastu?
Z:Pastu
Z:I
Z:htr
Z:Dad
Z:I
Z:balik
Z:Kota...
Me: Bangang tul u ni.. ISYYYY..
Me: Nasib baik u kat Msia..
Me:Kut u kat sini I dah pukul2 dah u..
Me:Nnt I balik siap la u
Z:I menyorok
Me: I cari u sampai dpt.. lagipun u nak nyorok kat mana?
Me: U tak muat pun belakang tiang
Me: ha ah ha.. mcm hrtu .
Me: Eh.. tu bukan.. tu Emile dlm Ratatouille tu
Me: Comel.. mcm u diks.. Comel...
Z: Tak.. I tak nak mengaku..
Me: Ha ha ha..
Me: Tima kasih diks.. u tolong temankan Dad tanamkan kaki I..
Me: I terharu ...
Z: Ye.. ke? I leh dpt byk baju la mcm ni kan?
Me: Ha ha ha ha...
Me: Apa lagi yg u nak diks..
Z: Yay!!

So.. with that stupid conversation.. I realized that I've been granted a great bounty by Allah.. no matter how stupidly other people treat me.. my siblings are wonderful to me.. Alhamdulillah... Love them all.. diks cipi.. cikit.. sammy rip.. shupipo & nan.

Lyrics untuk diks nyanyi..

Just a short pic entry this time since my brain is tired...



Siti.. Can you guess which window I took these from?





Can you guess which buildings are no longer there? Compare it to the previous entry several months ago here

I've had a wonderful thanksgiving weekend - even though 2 days of it I was housebound reading and doing simulations. And this column is about all the role models I met these past weekend.. Interesting how life passes you and you don't notice anyone and suddenly in a weekend you meet so many role models...


So let's start the story.. thanksgiving morning i had thrown away my pride and begged for help from someone who had caused me problems before. Since my simulations had not been working and I had recently received a fresh new scolding, I figured that I had no room for pride and had to obtain help wherever I could. So, I went to his office.. he was very nice to me and showed me stuff.. which confirmed that I was in the right direction. And then he gave me a rundown on my character flaws.. in a nice way actually. Nowadays, I have tried to repressed my anger or taking offense whenever someone criticizes me, this was since attending this course on disciplining your soul at the masjid. It says that your true friends are the ones that correct you when you are wrong and not the ones who always put you on the pedestal. And correcting you is the best thing he or she can do since if u don't take offense, you allow your character to grow and will eliminate the flaw that you had. And in order to be a good friend, you should always point out your friends fault - in a nice way of course, so that he or she changes and to leave him or her uncorrected is the worse thing you could do for him or her. Since their bad character will stay with them for life.. and how sad that was. My flaw was that I don't accept help - or refuse to ask or have too much pride or maybe arrogance in thinking that I need help. In actual fact, it is more of because I am the eldest, I have often been entrusted with so many responsibilities and have often been left with no one to rely on but myself. Which creates a fear of being rejected when asking for help and so much insecurity.. So i am learning now to accept help when given..and try not to be so bloody independent and push people away.

Whew.. that was long.. thanksgiving was a wonderful affair. I tagged along my roomate, who decided I shouldn't be left alone on that day. She was invited to her advisor's house. He has such a WONDERFUL family.. 2 siblings who are also professors and a mathematician father - who wrote a book entitled "Quartenions : Rotations and Spaces" ha ha ha. that for sure isn't bedside reading. I was awed with the old man - who wrote a book when he was 65 and finished it 7 yrs later. He taught at Michigan uni and has 20 patents.. proved the theory for gyroscope - yeah well, to engineers the man is an absolute genius. Many of his theories have been used for devices in aerospace engineering. The best part is that he is SO HUMBLE - none of this accolades were told by him - i googled him - he was such a dear old man, who was so touched by the fact that his youngest daughter would fly all the way to michigan to pick him up. She said fondly "You did this for us many, many times daddy ..." The whole family is filled with ppl who work for NGOs.. are humble profs.. wow.. Masha Allah...
Thanksgiving Turkey

mathematician
Another thing that made me so happy.. was Ioana.. I always had this bad tendency of finding bad points in a wonderful experience.. and ruining it.. but this time.. no more.. I just enjoyed her company.. we talked so much.. went shopping together.. and felt so HAPPY.. heh buying 1.5 lb of sinful LINDT chocolate probably had something to do with it..  I missed her so much.. and she is so funny .. she was relating one of her bad experiences in Morocco to me.. "so I was crying that first night.. and Laila came and asked why are u crying? .. oh I feel so sorry for myself" Instead of calming her down.. Laila joined in the crying spree "Oh.. I feel sorry for myself too...waaaa.." And then Ioana decided that TWO people can't be crying for such a stupid thing.. and promptly stopped her tears and decided to go out and tour Morocco.. ha ha ha.. talk about working reverse psychology.. what I learnt from her is that one should never waste oneself pining for someone who doesn't want you.. And that you lose so much chances in love that way.. plus the person won't change and will take you for granted. heh..so the guy has to be crazy about me before I will marry him.. and if not, I won't marry.. whatever.. one thing for sure I can't let someone take me for granted and step all over me... Back to Ioana.. (God, I am so narcissitic today).. she is such a wonderful person.. and takes care of me so much.. of course yours truly has planned MANY trips with her for the next year. All around Europe. Heh.. I am going to have fun keh..
Ioana and Me
My dear mom.. who is going through rough times.. and has been having a hard time sleeping.. and I thought that I was having a rough time since I was having nightmares.. how much more difficult it must be for her.. she has managed to turn it into a positive thing.. praying solat sunat tasbih.. the one with 350 tasbihs in it.. so that by the time she finishes she is too tired to think of her problems and will sleep. Of course during the prayers she makes dua for her children.. which touched me so much.... that even in her darkest hour she thinks of others first, rather than herself. Such a selfless person.. who will surely be granted Heaven.. Amin.. I felt guilty for not praying hajat for myself.. more.. and not reading the Quran regularly.. and I hope that I will have the rezeki to bring her to Mecca with me.. she wants that .. and she is concerned in getting my two siblings engaged as soon as I get back.. WARNING !!! to involved siblings.. Start saving money! heh heh heh.. on my part, I think that with all the hardships that she has gone through I think she just needs to think more of herself.. the siblings will manage by themselves - ha ha ha... kakak dengki.. seriously guys.. I think she deserves a break and should be entitled to spend her money on herself for once.

So this was all.. these past few months I had been feeling down thinking about all the mistakes that I made - work wise and in personal life.. but I have suddenly been told to look at it from another perspective.. that I have done all the hard work already.. and just need to enjoy the rewards.. and perhaps this once.. I will listen.. and accept all these help that ppl seem to want to offer to me.. and be grateful that I have had the opportunity to have all these wonderful role models to look up to.. I may not have much in life.. but right now these seem like a whole lot..